Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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