He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
