So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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