sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
