I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
