I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
