I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
