someone owes me an orgasm
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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