White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
