I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
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He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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