Already got asked if we're dating
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
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you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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