Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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