he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
