I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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