I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
