That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
