so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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