but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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