Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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