Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
