i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
