Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She even gives head with a lisp.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
