the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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