Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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