Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
