I wish you could order shots online.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
