i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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