turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
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And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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