I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
