I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
