just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
