I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
