I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
