I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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