Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
