I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
