Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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