I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
