apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
