we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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