A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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