He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
