hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
