Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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