You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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