she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
