i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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