I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
