i think i have two assholes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Randomize
