we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
