Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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