He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
