it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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