I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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