Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
