Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
