She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
