this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
