rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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