I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
