please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
