I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
