Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
