I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
