Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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